I just wanted to let those who feel despairing at times, lonely, or down to their last crumbs...well, we (my little boys and I) have been down to our last crumb time and time again only to be blessed with a bounty. I know it may sound corny, but the adage "Ask and Ye Shall Receive" has been ringing truer and truer.

Many of us feel the need to be anchored. Please, please make sure that anchor is a grounding one...not a big rope with a stone at the end. I've finally cut that rope and the children and I have grown wings.

At the beginning of the summer of '97, I was feeling desperate, anxious, lonely, scared, and decided that it was time to find a place to live to call home. We travelled to the Interior...I swore up and down that was to be the place to plant our feet. I had brochures you know, maps and everything! I knew everything about the place, or so I thought.....until we got there. The area was breathtaking in beauty, but there was an inkiness that crept into me that I couldn't shake. I couldn't wait to leave. I knew I couldn't and wouldn't be calling that little place home.

We stayed in the desert. I swore up and down that was to be the place to plant our feet. It was sunny and warm you know, I had brochures. Well, it wasn't the place but it was a special place nonetheless. Learning from Julia I found a wonderful patch of sage, the thin leaved kind, and asked permission to take a bit. Once again I was "told" when it was enough...I had gathered enough for a few small bundles for some special friends in need, and kept one for myself...the smell of the sun and the sage is something that will linger with me always.

We travelled and travelled, farmland, alpine meadows, woodland forests and rocky mountains, but still no place felt right. After a month or two of travelling off and on we made it back to our city apartment. I was despairing. You know, we ask for guidance and plead for help and strain to listen to the answers, but sometimes it is so difficult. It doesn't have to be...just ask quietly and then wait. I calmed myself on our return (a difficult task as I was close to ranting) and asked for guidance, and then went to bed. My dreams were vivid and colourful and showed me a different way of looking at my situation, at where my feet should lead me.

After that dream I went back to work and made some phone calls. I searched the Internet, and found the place! The children and I moved on November first. We now live on an island off the East Coast of Vancouver Island in British Columbia. A single mom with three little fellows, yet this house is affordable to rent, we live in the forest, on the beach.....heavenly!

We are squeaking by, yes..but we are squeaking by with GREAT BIG SMILES!!!! ( besides, there's always the "1001 Things to Make with Kraft Dinner Cookbook" when things get a little too squeaky...)

Since I have moved here, my eyesight has cleared and my heart and mind have grown. My health has improved, laughter rings in our house, energy abounds and things just keep getting better and better. Spirtual happenstances have increased our awareness and monetary help is coming in.  Monetary help being, illustration jobs, a gallery showing, local galleries selling some of my paintings already, and its not even tourist season yet!! This lack of a tether has also made me ambitious; ambitious but not greedy..there is a definite line between the two. I've decided, with my best friend, to start a small publishing company..launch date looks to be around September of '98, and our "obstacles" are surmountable!

This place abounds with wildlife, hundreds of kinds of birds,marine life, seals on my beach, deer at the front door at dusk, porpoises, orcas in the spring, sea otters, herons, bountiful bald eagles and so on and so on. We have trails and forests and beaches and small lakes and mountains. The people here are fishermen, bush pilots, craftsmen, artisans, musicians, hippies, retirees, young couples, elderly couples, gay, straight, wiccan, new age, potters, painters on and on and on. It is the land of the Twilight Zone.

The land itself is steeped in rich, rich history. The People have lived here for centuries. First the Salish and the Kwagiulth..the island is filled with the richness of their carving, potlatches, long houses, petroglyphs and war canoes. You can actually walk on Dogfish Beach here, or by the light house and touch petroglyphs of dancing people, birds, fish and mythical beings carved into giant boulders by the sea. There is so much to learn.

My children have soared to the top of each of their classes, and after school they run and run up the beach collecting oysters, mussels, clams and crabs..to release them back to the sea. Then they come home and write in their "Nature Journals". You see, they have this "secret" nature club that they started when they moved here. The club requirements include buckets, pocketknives, magnifying glasses and plastic shovels, and of course the all secret notebook. Secret only because they have a hiding place in a stump where they put all their special stones....I know because I have recently been sworn into the club...:)))) These are children who weren't even allowed in the backyard in the city without strict adult supervision.

It could have been that I just came in from sitting on my deck outside and marvelling at the sheer volume of stars, or maybe it was because I know people still hurt inside,are poor, are ill in health, or just feel lost or lonely. Well, whatever it was, I just wanted to let you know that if can make a go of it, find my wayward feet, and learn to receive the gifts we are given and be grateful for what I already have..if I can learn just to sit still and listen and learn ..well, if I can do it ANY of you can and that is a Fact. Stand ON your Rock, not Beneath it....

Thinking of you on this warm starry night from place I call home in the sea. Blessings to all who may read this.

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